Honest Hour is more like ugly hour today. I can honestly say today that I am joyful to be here and all that other stuff I wrote about was fake. It was fake mainly for myself and partly because I would sound like a brat if I wasn't trying. I had to tell myself I loved it here even though I didn't. I am greatful for this beautiful place and the pool and beach. But I am the type of person who needs a purpose and reason to do things. I couldn't find my purpose. I couldn't find my reason. I am basically just here on a long vacation. That did not seem like much of a reason for me.
It was made known to me the second we landed that I needed to find my purpose. When you go to a different country you have to fill out cards explaining why you are entering the new country. Business, pleasure, missions etc. Because "I am forced to come and stand behind my husbands career to the ends of the earth" wasn't an option, I had to check pleasure. Don't be fooled though, right next to the box I checked pleasure I wrote a BIG FAT "I guess..."
Like I said before, being here is amazing but my soul wasn't being fed. I couldn't find my groove and my purpose. Getting up, working out, meditating, and laying by the pool is wonderful and amazing but it just wasn't going to fill me up for a month. Because I wasn't being filled up daily I was irritable and irrationally and just being plain ugly.
My version of ugly goes a little like this. I have what my friends call b!tch face. This means you naturally look like you are in a horrid mood, like someone stole your puppy but in reality you are having a great day. I am aware of the issue. But God says to love thy self so I mainly just try to embrace it. The problem is when you aren't being filled up you stop caring about that b!tch face and you start accidentally dishing it out to random people. For discretion purposes we will just call it the face. When you are hungry and food isn't readily available you get the face. When your golf cart gets stolen twice you get the face. When you get locked out of your room for hours you get the face. Eventually the face goes from being an accident to on purpose. And you explode. The explosion can be to your husband, to a wall, in a blog, or to a stranger. Sometimes your explosion is on the lady working at the front desk. I took full responsibility for my actions and explosion but I am now figuring out that the "lack luster, Ill be there in five minutes but that really means an hour" attitude of the people is not directed only at me but it is just the culture.
I think my purpose here is learning to slow down. I don't have to be doing 454 things at one time to be filled up. The DR culture is so different from American culture. Both have so many things to offer each other. This is why traveling is such an amazing way to fill you up. I was not looking at the big picture. Just being here is filling me up. The experience is filling me up. Learning how to handle my dirty, yucky self is filling me up. Americans are quick thinkers and go getters. We never slow down. Lunch in America doesn't mean eating your food. It means lunch meetings with colleagues or business partners while you are on your Iphone tweeting, instagramming and sending emails. And while you're at your lunch meeting you are thinking about all the things you have to do next. No wonder none of us have any energy. In the DR lunch means eating. Filling yourself up literally.
A lot of teenagers stop going to school here around age 13. Traffic laws don't apply. Red lights mean GO!! As fast as you can and ignore the dog in the middle of the road. And the people. Just GO! Police officers are your friend if you have money. But not in a corrupt kind of way. The people are all so genuine. So happy. They work hard. Everyone smiles and waives. On the flip side there are men prostituting women. People can't feed themselves all the time so they wouldn't dare have pets to feed and hitting them with your car is more than okay. People walk around with shot guns and machetes. And those same people are the ones smiling and waiving. Talk about not something you would see in America. I couldn't tell you how a person from the DR views Americans. But being here just a few weeks I can see how we could come across like we don't have time for each other. We rush around. We can't enjoy ourselves. We have you-know-what face. We spend money on things we don't need. And we throw away things we could be saving. But the great thing about America is we have a huge respect for hospitality. We value structure and timeliness. We have strong work ethics. We value things like red lights and puppies.
I have learned I am not good at vacationing. Not at all. I need things to do. I have also learned traveling is so rich and so important. And not just planned mission trips to Ethiopia or unexpected unwanted trips to the DR. Traveling anywhere is important. Just open your eyes to different cultures and different people. I think the key is not trying to change the differences you see in other cultures. But seeing the differences and changing yourself.
I exploded on the front desk lady because I had an American expectation. Not a wrong expectation, just an American one. I expected hospitality and timeliness. After I exploaded I felt ugly and gross. I was so mad because I am supposed to have it all together. A few Americans shared their experiences with me and I learned we've all had the same feelings. I am not the only person here who has exploaded. I am not all crazy. Well I probably am but not for this. At least I am learning. Maya Angelou says, "In an unfamiliar culture, it is wise to offer no innovations, no suggestions, or lessons. The epitome of sophistication is utter simplicity".
My favorite author wrote this quote in her book about dealing with inlaws. Dealing with your inlaws can be a lot like being in a different culture. At first it seems like unfamiliar, uncharted territory and then you realize we are all the same just a little different. I read this quote months ago for the first time. I have read it five times after that and again the day after I exploaded on the poor front desk lady. God's timing is funny, huh? Days after that I tons of emails filling up my inbox. I can hear God saying, "Oh! you need something to do? Well here ya go".
I am writing this with such a grateful attitude. Appreciation, gratitude, and love. I'd encourage everyone to travel. Anywhere you can go. Just GO. Open your eyes to different cultures and different people. We can learn from this. About others and about ourselves. If you are a husband be patient with your wife. If she is anything like me she is more volunerable to change then she pretends not to be. If you are a wife be grateful to your husband that he can provide travel for you. And stand by him to the ends of the earth. Even if he drags you to winterball.
And to the people who email me telling me how patient I seem- You might want to ask Robbie before you make such assumptions. If this post doesn't prove that theory wrong then you are my hero.
HE>i
xoxo
B
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